Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

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sunface
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Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by sunface » Sat Dec 22, 2018 7:49 am

Merry Christmas everyone!

Now hold on a second here, slow down everyone. I'm sorry for not saying something more generic, like "Happy Holidays". I also apologize for not listing other holidays that occur around this time, like Hanukkah and Kwanza. I'm sure there are many others that I didn't name, but the point is that I was just trying to spread some cheer and goodwill while imposing my religious beliefs on you.

Merry Christmas everyone!

That last statement, about imposing my religious beliefs, was possibly offensive to those of you that celebrate Christmas but don't really put any religious connotation on it. So I apologize for that also. But not being religious about Christmas is my bag, though I worship Santa as a deity and don't really know too much about Baby Jesus. My understanding is that Baby Jesus did many good things for the world, including making fish and wine. And I'm fairly certain that I speak for 50% of you when I say everyone likes fish, and 100% of you when I say everyone likes wine, so 150% of our population would mathematically like Baby Jesus a lot. So thank you Baby J for everything he did. By which I mean, He did. Thank you!

Merry Chriwhy am I repeating this

Of course, Christmas is about Santa and his many accomplishments, which include eating cookies and giving coal to bad children. Beautiful, clean coal. Santa is pretty cool even when he's rewarding bad children with treasures like coal. As we all know, coal can be turned into diamonds. Good kids just get toys. Which is also strange, because Santa's elves make them in the North Pole but those toys are frequently marked as "Made in China," which I suppose is just elves playing pranks, or maybe outsourcing, which is risky as the Chinese company could steal the IP behind how to make a Kylo Ren doll.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Is anyone doing anything special for the holidays? Tell us all about it! TO BE CLEAR POSTING IN THIS THREAD IS MANDATORY AND FAILURE TO POST IN THIS THREAD MAY RESULT IN YOUR SUMMARY EXECUTION. By "EXECUTION" I probably mean there's no consequence except possibly you may receive a toy this year instead of a beautiful chunk of delicious coal. Govern yourselves accordingly.
This post should now end this thread due to its definitive embodiment of the subject.

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Wizard in Glass
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by Wizard in Glass » Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:03 am

I am having Christmas dinner/lunch with my gf's mom. We aren't cooking. Going out to a restaurant.

Hopefully there will be no racially offensive outbursts like there was during Thanksgiving dinner. Said restaurant has TVs. TVs were playing some fucking dog show while we were there. Psuedo Mother-in-Law says (in that old people "think they're being quiet but are in reality almost shouting" voice) "That dog has hair like black people try to make their hair look!" I almost choked her right there in the booth, but my gf handled it.

Maybe this time she'll make really broad, stereotyping statements about Jews, Mexicans, and/or the Chinese. Wish me luck.

And Merry Christmas, folks!
Last edited by Wizard in Glass on Sat Dec 22, 2018 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Banjo
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by Banjo » Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:24 am

Good Yuletime to you all!

Image

We fortunately have not renamed the holidays to include "christ" :)

Governor Dick
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by Governor Dick » Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:50 am

Wizard in Glass wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:03 am
Maybe this time she'll made really broad, stereotyping statements about Jews, Mexicans, and/or the Chinese. Wish me luck.
I bet all black people in the restaurant are like why exclude us in your racials slurs, you racist or something.

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Android
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by Android » Sat Dec 22, 2018 4:56 pm

Banjo wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:24 am
Good Yuletime to you all!
Please translate the captions below those awesome pictures.

My guesses:

"I like my little kids deep fried."

and

"Deer is best served raw."

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Wizard in Glass
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by Wizard in Glass » Sun Dec 23, 2018 2:45 am

Actually, the 2nd one is unused concept art for Macho Man Randy Savage's "Snap into a Slim Jim!" ad campaign.

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sunface
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by sunface » Sun Dec 23, 2018 7:42 am

Is that Krampus?!?!?
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Banjo
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by Banjo » Sun Dec 23, 2018 1:12 pm

Android wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 4:56 pm
Banjo wrote:
Sat Dec 22, 2018 10:24 am
Good Yuletime to you all!
Please translate the captions below those awesome pictures.

My guesses:

"I like my little kids deep fried."

and

"Deer is best served raw."
"Old times Santa Claus at his christmas cauldron."
"Ancient Santa Claus has captured a reindeer for food."
sunface wrote:
Sun Dec 23, 2018 7:42 am
Is that Krampus?!?!?
It's the "Christmas Goat", Joulupukki in finnish - which is actually the name we use for Santa Claus even now :)

Tere's a pretty cool Christmas Goat/Santa Claus movie from a few years ago. Rare Exports. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0WMcEaK0hQ

One should watch that, if one can.

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Wizard in Glass
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by Wizard in Glass » Mon Dec 24, 2018 1:37 am

The Banjo seal of approval is good enough for me. I will check out the movie. I've passed by it many times on different streaming services and thought about watching it, but never actually did. It's currently available on Amazon Prime Video, so I know what I will be doing to pass the time at work Tuesday night.

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sunface
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Re: Mandatory Christmas Post Requirement (Necessary)

Post by sunface » Thu Dec 27, 2018 9:16 am

OH! I watched Rare Exports and loved it. I'm going to watch it again... during my upcoming time off...

The reason I asked if it was Krampus is that it looks like the Krampus from the 2016 (?) US movie "Krampus", starring Toni Collette. That is a fucking awesome movie. It's kind of like "Gremlins" in that it's a kid's movie where people die and horrible things happen. And yet it's for kids. Somehow the world has forgotten that kids can handle scary stuff... or rather 75% of kids can, while the remaining 25% will be forever scarred and disturbed by what they see. Personally, for me it was "Robocop". I remember seeing it as a relative youngster (maybe 13, which is probably old enough not to be disturbed by it) and was really freaked out by the guy who gets into the vat of toxic waste. All my friends were howling with laughter and I was like "OMG that's fucked up". Nowadays, though, I think that scene is fucking great and I regret what a big sloppy pussy I was.
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